1) Look, I'm just saying, we could get rid of 90% of British universities and replace with them Open University physical campuses, and it'd be a lot better.

2) A lot of Linux distributions are actually just glorified desktop enviroments.

3) I'm not proud to admit this...I'm a very bad procrasinator, as in, I'm bad at...no, I'm good at procrasinating, which is bad. I wish I could procrasinate procrasination, wait, that means...I'm bad at procrasinating because I can't procrasinate at...hold on. Basically, I'm very very lazy.

4) Why are people so afraid of living in a house in the middle of the graveyard? So many of my problems are caused by people who are ALIVE. Dead people aren't going to play loud music at 3am, they're not going to do construction work on a Sunday, they're not going to stuff your bin with their trash, etc. If anything, I would've assumed houses located within or next to graveyards should be more expensive.

5) If you've ever, EVER, ejaculated to straight hardcore pornography, you're an honouary gay man. No, you shut the fuck up, I've never jerked off to straight hardcore pornography. If you need to me to further justify this point, you're no longer an honouary gay man, you're just then a regular gay man, you're so gay you can't fathom the idea that a guy wouldn't want to see another penis when he's jerking off. And, actually, on the topic of porn...isn't it a contradiction that you "need" to watch porn to jerk off? Surely, if you're horny, you...don't need to watch porn? THE FACT YOU'RE WATCHING PORN PROVES YOU NEED TO MENTALLY STIMULATE YOUR HORNINESS, SO THAT MEANS YOU'RE NOT HORNY!