3rd November 2025:

Today I met up with some old friends to go to Brentwood, outside of London.

This is the fourth time I've left London, but the first time I went without parents.

I noted the amount English people I've met. I felt like I was in England.

By the way, I saw horses on the way and I thought of Ashley Jones and her horse cock jokes. This sounds sad, but keep in mind, I haven't heard so much about horses until I came (uh huhuhuhuh) across her website so actually it's pretty normal my brain instantly thought about her when I saw horses. Like, if I said I like goat, and the next day you see a goat and think of me, that's normal because your brain- anyway I think you get the point.

The only reason I'm comfortable sharing that is because I saw that drama on tubgurl.com, the Mini Jimmy thing, so I feel normal compared to whatever the lore is back there. I don't know what is the lore, I don't want to know what the lore is.

By the way, nobody was wearing a seatbelt except for me, and I had never inhaled so much second hand smoke in my life (they were courteous enough open the window and smoke out, but still).

Ive included a link of that days adventure. https://videos.icum.to/w/px2sCFQjeQyNo13UWSwRKZ

2 November 2025

Hi everyone, today I have returned which is rather anti-climatic given what I said 2 days ago, that I need to take a step back from this website and reevaluate everything. But, I promise, this wasn't be pitybaiting, in fact, I have some news to share with you, something I'm quite proud of myself.

Today, I walked out of the house at 10pm, in the dark...without my parent's approval, for an hour. I grew up very sheltered and overcontrolled, my parents were such that as soon as school finished at 3pm, I was expected to come home immediantly. So, you can imagine, leaving the house at 10pm without seeking their pErMisSioN was intimidating.

Why did I do it? I just...wanted to. For my entire life, I had to follow the rules of others, and for the first time today I did something I wanted to do, no rational explaination needed, I just...wanted to do and so I did. I always noted how I needed to have a perfect 200iq reason for why I wanted to do something, but other people in my life could just simply "decide" to do something.

The thing about manipulative people is they'll never straight up say "Screw you! You can't do that because we're evil!", what they do is give plausible excuses, half-truths. "You can't go out at 3pm because you might get stabbed!" well...yeah, but by that logic, you can't drive a car because you might end up in a collision.

I noticed since the past few weeks my mental health was really beginning to suffer, and as a result, I became very annoyed seeing how lively my website was. As a result, I began stripping it of its contents. But now, I feel alive, I feel happy, and so the old theme of the website has returned.

I am clinically normal, I just need a bit of support, and I think I'm at that point in my life where I can give myself that support, that support I never had as a kid or teenager.

I recorded my "adventure", I ranted too a lot, and cried, but I've muted the audio because I think it's rather unrefined to share.

I mentioned two days ago I will return a better person, and I feel like I am a better person, at least a bit.

I'm taking this website way too seriously, but I need to learn to take it easy. I'm sorry if I make myself out to be a schizo, I was practically raised by ones, but I am normal, and I don't really know why I'm sharing this with you, but, I have no one to share this with, so knowing that at least one person will read it, you, it makes it feel a bit more real.

I'm slowly calibrating my personality, and it won't be a clean journey, but, it'll be for the best.

The August, September and October monthly columns have been brought back, I might not be too proud of the contents, but they are a part of my past. In an effort to be "perfect" I've constantly felt like I've had to delete stuff, change stuff, etc. But, I'm not perfect, and I should stop expecting myself to be perfect.

The video of my adventure can be found here.

https://videos.icum.to/w/1H3hiyFU66iDwNYbsRPsH4