18th of October 2025 Monthly Column:
Discuss this column here
Content:
Questions I received via email:
Skinwalker among us?!
Personal Advertisements:
The Wolfe Bites Back: "My convictions":
Confession: Forced vore fantasy.
BABE OF THE MONTH
OBITUARY OF THE MONTH
Monthly Recipe:
Questions I received
(Via email or my monthly column thread)> What happened to the old website? ^_^
I had previously changed the theme of the website to look more simple and boring, but the previous theme has now returned, albeit there have been some changes which can be found more in the October update section (in my front page)
>What is this all about and what the hell is going on?
This is my website, the website of David Wolfe, if you stick around it might make a bit more sense later on. I use this website to half express myself, and half help out the community of personalised internet. Something like that.
Skinwalker among us?!
I was generously talked about in Ashley Jones' September column. here
I will clarify some points she brought up.
> I'm worried that my writing of this will scare the skin walker away.
I'm still here.
> Seeing as this skinwalker is male, I just hope he doesn't copy my love of sucking cock and guzzling gallons of cum and wearing skirts.
On the topic of wearing skirts, here is my fashion style:
Wearing skirts (last image), therefore, is a possiblity. I haven't gotten it yet though.
> In fact, I have been just as obsessed with him as he is with me. I have been routinely saving his web pages to my computer, and even more recently, saving his pages to archive.org so that people cannot accuse me of altering his files.
Pic of the folder and its size please so I can include it on a special page on my website, I might call it davidwolfe.xyz/ashleyjones.html
> I check his website 5-10 times a day easily, and checking his website has become part of my morning routine.
I check her webiste once a day and it's my afternoon routine too. (usually she only updates her site once a month).
> One of his likes is a "sunny room". Ok, yeah, we're definitely dealing with a mentally ill person. Anyways -- his dislikes continue this trend.
Ashley, I live in London, you may like the rain, but in London what we call rain is what you would call a thunderstorm. The sun is what we get for three weeks in the entire year, so I will cherish the sun more than the rain.
> Please know that even under the threat of death, I would never listen to Owl City.
Owl City is a nice band, I don't have a particular favourite song, but if you're someone who has better taste than Ashley does (100% of my readers) can listen to some I really like
Honey and the Bees
Deer in the Headlights
Firebird (Alternate Version)
And more, but I'll make a list of this later on.
Since we're on the topic of bands, I'd like to let you (and her) know I've listed to Ashley's favourite bands, Thursday, Circa Survive, Saosin and Chiodos, despite my best efforts to emulate her like for these bands (I am, a skinwalker, afterall) I must say emo music isn't my thing, they're nice to listen to, but I wouldn't go out of my way to listen to them.
Here are some of my favourite non-Owl City music.
REM: Crush with Eyeliner.
REM: What's the Frequency, Kenneth.
Funeral For a Friend: Bullet Theory (honestly the instrumental of this song is amazing).
Turbonegro: Fuck The World
Orgy: Blue Monday
Maximo Park: Apply Some Pressure
Absurd – Werwolf
Absurd - Ashes to Ashes
Culture Beat - Mr. Vain (I associate this song with eating a lot of food, because one time I was stuffing my face with protein powder and milk, and this was the song playing on my phone randomly).
- And more, but those are the ones coming on top of my head.
So she won't be seeing me wearing a Thursday shirt (I actually wouldn't wear any bandshirt), unless if she paid me good money, in that case, I'd simply take a photo of myself wearing a black shirt, with me editing the shirt in Gimp 2 to say Thursday in Comic Sans font, I'd basically scam her (which, according to her, is a-okay).
> The other terrible opinion he has is that .webp is "the best file format". Webp is easily the worst file format, and I will write more about this later, as it's something I've wanted to address for a long time.
The reason I use .webp is because it works, I used to have 1mb/s internet back in the days, so for me the reduced file size was actually noticeable. Plus, the animations are a lot more smoother.
> But wait, there's more. He has started writing in my writing style. To be honest, I didn't really know I had a "writing style" until I saw this guy's website, and now I realize how ostentatious I sound due to the skin walker highlighting the phrases I tend to use and ways I convey my thoughts.
I don't know what she's referring to here, I can understand how having similar opinions might ring alarm bells, however, I don't communicate in her style.
> EVIDENCE ITEM #2: COPYING MY VERY NICHE INTERESTS
> He mentions on his website that he had a VCR that allegedly caught on fire. He appears to like the "emo" look (as he even wrote that he likes to wear eyeliner). Too many coinidences are stacking up here. I haven't encountered this many coincidences since 9/11. Also, I had recently written in my monthly column that I desire to learn Spanish. Guess who else wants to learn Spanish? David. Listen here, David. I want to learn Spanish because I can't leave my house without a Mexican trying to sell me oranges. This is a necessity.
I don't know why she uses the word "allegedly” to describe a VCR I had catching fire. It wasn't literally on fire, but it was smoking and the components within it were burnt, so there was indeed fire FIRE FIRE! To tell you the truth, the only reason I brought that up with was just to make that Beavis reference, but yes, it really did happen.
Eyeliner is unisex in Middle Eastern culture, so it's not an "emo” thing to me.
I don't know if I would describe my look as an emo look, I would probably say it's more metalhead if anything.
I don't "want” to learn Spanish, I've already learnt the language and I can speak at a conversational level. To be fair, I did learn the language at school, so I had a headstart.
Should I call her and talk to her in Spanish? Maybe one day if I'm feeling bored and autistic, LET ME KNOW in the comments down below, make sure you like comment and subscribe, and I might just do that, stay tuned.
> EVIDENCE ITEM #3: COPYING MY OPINIONS
Here, she specifically brings up our shared opinion on pornography being cuckoldry. Unfortunately, and one I take offense to, she thinks I copied her on this one. No, Ashley, this was an original thought I've had from the start. I'm more than happy to say you influenced me on some matters (such as using Tor as my daily browser, not using Wi-Fi, etc) but I never found hardcore pornography to be appealing in any manner.
> EVIDENCE ITEM #4: COPYING MY GOALS
I already mentioned these goals were inspired by her. Nothing much needs to be said here on my side.
> EVIDENCE ITEM #5: COPYING MY TECHNOLOGY RULES
> But, seeing this in aggregate with all of the other skin walker bahavior feels insincere.Excuse YOU?! Insincere? What do you mean by this!?
> EVIDENCE ITEM #6: COPYING HAVING A 2D WAIFU/HUSBANDO
> I definitely don't "own" the idea of having a 2D waifu/husbando. However, considering everything else this man has stolen from me, I can't help but notice the jarring similarities. He has plastered Ashley Graves from an incest game on his website and proclaims that he has a crush for her. Let's get logical about this: My name is Ashley. I also look "emo". I have dicussed incest.Authentic tape of Ashley doing more than "discussing” incest.
> EVIDENCE ITEM #7: HAVING A VOIP PHONE LINE
> I have a VOiP phone line that anyone can call (read more here: https://dukenukemis.cool/how-to-make-vintage-analog-phone-work-with-voip-on-computer/). My skin walker does now, too. Yes, you can call +1 (234) DAV-WOLF right now and harass him. Tell him Ashley sent you and that you're coming for his ass. Wait. That might sound weird to say over the phone. In any event, I am still superior in this regard because my phone is a vintage 1987 Garfield phone, and my voicemails go to a 1980's answering machine on cassette tapes. So until he copies that too, I win."That might sound werid to say over the phone” telling someone you're coming for their butt (uh huhuhuhuh) is werid regardless of the channel of communication (yes, even in the bedroom, it just sounds unsexy in my opinion).
I won't be getting a Garfield phone and having my voicemail on a cassette tape. The issue with her current set up are these two things
No encryption (so the NSA can still track what you're saying, that's right, if you're one of those guys who called up Ashley begging for her sweet Latina- sorry, Latinx- pussy, you should know the NSA has recording of that.
Calling costs (since you have to call directly, which can be quite expensive if you're from outside the US).
What I have in mind will resolve these two issues. Keep your orange cat to yourself.
> EVIDENCE ITEM #8: COPYING ME ON A SYNTAXICAL LEVEL
> His web pages used to be davidwolfe.xyz/AboutMe or davidwolfe.xyz/MonthlyColumn. However, he noticed that my webpages are written as:
dukenukemis.cool/about-me or dukenukemis.cool/monthly-column. He has since renamed his webpages to follow my format. How about you rename one of your pages to daivdwolfe.xyz/i-want-to-be-ashleys-sissy-slut-and-wear-a-bluetooth-buttplug-that-she-controls-remotely-while-i-go-grocery-shopping
I think the only thing he will NOT want to copy about me is my bunions.This one is such a massive stretch for obvious reasons.
> EVIDENCE ITEM #9: COPYING MY BACKGROUNDS
> He is using my starry gif background from my videos website (videos.icum.to) on his homepage (daivdwolfe.xyz). However, he either used GIMP or AI to remove the red and blue dots in the image. Also, he is using my background from my monthly column on his monthly column (I encouraged him to make a monthly column before I knew the extent that this man went to skinwalk, so his monthly column is not copied).Ashley, I simply lowered the transparency using Gimp which led to the red and blue dots to disappear, I don't use "AI”.
> EVIDENCE ITEM #10: STOP MENTIONING YOUR FORESKIN
Here, Ashley takes issue with me mentioning I have a foreskin. She calls it a "dog-whistle”, respectfully, the only dog whistle going on is what she does to her dogs at night, anyway, the fact I mentioned I have a foreskin right after mentioning I'm Persian is a subtle way to communicate that, you know, Persian, foreskin, I'm not from those backgrounds.
> I've talked about my great appreciation for Sigourney Weaver and how I wear jumpsuits because I like how hers looks in Alien, so I don't believe that David independantly likes Sigourney Weaver, and instead, he is now adopting my lesbian fantasies as his own.
I don't recall where she mentioned she liked Sigmourney Weaver.
> Sorry David, but only white people can truly understand and appreciate Beavis and Butthead.
> EVIDENCE ITEM #11: IS THIS A THREAT?
She refers to this archived link on my website,
https://web.archive.org/web/20250920230217/davidwolfe.xyz/testthe simple explaination here is, yes, that is correct. It is a threat. *does a stupid Chad face*, no in all seriousness I was copying her custom scrollbar (notice the same colour scheme) ,but making it work on Firefox based browsers (you know, Tor), since hers only works on Chrome. and I figured that I should write something relating to her (I was going to email her to let her know how to get a custom scrollbar working in Firefox, because I am a polite individual).
I'm not sure how calling her articulate is a threat? It's a compliment, you insecure individual.
> THE TERRIBLE OPINIONS HE DID NOT COPY FROM ME (HENCE WHY THEY'RE TERRIBBLE)
> I want to clarify once again that any opinion you read on his website that you disagree with is NOT MY OPINION. Anything you read on his website that you think, "that is stupid", is David's own independent thought. This includes: thinking .webp is in any way a decent fileformat, liking Owl City, and giving non-virgin females a chance at a relationship..webp is a decent file-format, it's just that it's developed by Google and the source code is on their website, so I no longer use the .webp file now. Owl City is an amazing band, and as for the non-virgin female part, did I say I'd consider giving non-virgin females a chance at a relationship or did I merely say I'd date them? I'm not interested in a relationship right now regardless.
> Conclusion on David Wolfe:
> I'm glad to inspire anyone to do things such as disengage with Google services, utilizing ethernet rather than wifi, creating a website, using Peertube, etc. These are all good things that more of us must do. However, absorbing my personality and molding himself to many of my personal opinions, wriitng style, etc. will only result in burn-out, as it's like a costume that's fun to wear initally, but will grow boring in the long term, because it's not actually him. While I selfishly want him to continue to skin walk me so that I can obsess over how he's copied some minor detail about myself; objectively speaking, it would be heathlier for him to stop emulating me and to simply be himself. That way he will stay around longer and detail his true interests, thoughts, opinions, etcIf anything it's gotten "worse". If I was going to burnout, I would've burnt out long ago. I no longer use .webp and now my monthly column features a recipe of the month section. Regardless, you're looking at the real deal. "Healthier", I'm healthy, you're the one malnourished because of your vegan diet (sorry, that was rude of me, you're perfect the way you are, or something). She conveniently ignores the differences in opinions and focuses on our similarities, all so she can artificially inflate the word count in her column, well, allow me...
BUT FIRST! A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR!
Free Personal Advertisements:
Nobody has emailed me to ask for a personal advertisement, so I will just randomly link this GumTree advert of someone selling a Raspberry Pi 3 SNES case.
Let's imagine he sent me something that goes like this
> Hello David Wolfe! My name is Robert and I'm selling this Raspberry Pi 3 SNES case on Gumtree. I sure hope someone would take this case off my hands! Thank you for advertising my listing, you're so cool!
Wow Robert (in my head), that's really thoughtful of you to share your product to my dear readers! I must say, and thank you for the compliment, I agree I am indeed so cool. Well, anyway, I think emulation is amazing, even though I'm not a fan of video games myself. I think if I had to get into retro video games, I'd much prefer having a single device, such as Raspberry Pi, and emulating all the classic game consoles!
Make sure you check the GumTree listing and use DAVWOLF for your referral code! Just kidding, GumTree doesn't have referral codes, but that's okay, just imagine you're getting a discount when you use the link above!
Would you like to see YOUR advert up here on my monthly column? You can email me at contact@davidwolfe.xyz, make sure you share the link to your website, product, or whatever, and if you have a message you want to share as well, you may do so! And guess what? It's all free (free?!) yes, that's right, FREE.
The Wolfe bites back: Ashley's "My conviction”.
Now returning to our anime battle (I'm not a fan of anime btw). The nice thing about this internet drama we got going on here, is neither of us are getting paid or views. This drama, this beef, it's authentic, folks.
I have nothing else to talk about, so let's get this off my chest, Ashley Jones' "my conviction” page. I've always taken a bit of an issue with this page of hers, but I suppose since she generously spoke about me in great detail, I must reciprocate and add a bit more on my side too.
Let's take a look at Ashley's "my conviction” page, and allow my 133 IQ points to explain why HER OPINIONS are terrible.
https://dukenukemis.cool/my-convictions/Her introduction:
> I am someone who thinks independently without abiding to a group to pre-formulate my opinions for me. I do not hold my opinions out of impulse, out of the desire to please, nor out of mindless apadtion to what others abide to. My opinions are held on what I belive is the most logical while being the most ethical and empathetic. We live in a world with a nervous systems and emotions for animals and humans (same thing) alike, thus, we should also consider those feelings. That is not the case in our world.
Okay, Ms "free thinker”. And what does she start off with?
> Cyclists are one of the most homosexual GAY ANNOYING people to exist on EARTH
Right off the bat, the most normie opinion in the world. "Cyclist bad”. You'd think someone of her background would be more appreciative of cyclists? She has her own carbonated drink maker, it would reason she would appreciate cyclists more than car drivers. Odd.
> I swear, every time I pass one of these cyclists, I am *this* close to yelling "FAGGOT" out the window at them. The only reason I haven't is because they like to record everything on their gay bikes and upload it to YouTube, so then I'd have to deal with you people knowing where I live just because I called some fruit on a bike a faggot.
Okay, respectfully, can you even reach your head out the window?
> It's insanely dangerous and I guess to some people, the constant threat of dying is fun... until it actually happens.
Well, yeah, because they'd be dead. ???
> Hey fudge stripe, in a battle between my CAR and your soft body, my CAR WILL WIN.
You're not winning now.
Next opinion I disagree with
> I am not a Zoomer. Please stop with this misconception.
Everything she says here is just wrong. Everything. 100%. I could disect the points she made one by one, but we'll spare you, my dear viewer, the time. I wil only focus on these two points she made
> I did XYZ which makes me a millennial
That's not how generations work. I also used VHS growing up, does that make me a millennial too? Silly. I watched Thunderbirds growing up, does that make me a Baby Boomer? Silly.
> FOR GODS SAKE I WAS BORN BEFORE THE MILLENIUM. MILLENIAL -> MILLENIUM.
This is the most Reddit-tier pendaticness point I've heard. If millennial had went by a different term, this argument would make no sense (not that it makes sense now). Does that mean Gen X, Baby Boomers and so on are also millennial since they were born before the millennium? And also, keep in mind, she was born in 1999, hardly the "90s kid”.
Just know that as someone born in February of 2001, I relate to a lot of her experiences, so for me, her identification as a millennial is really odd. Maybe she can fool some late-term Zoomer, she ain't fooling me. I'm an early-term Zoomer, and so is she, yeah that's right, I won't respect her transgenerational identity.
> People who enjoy hot weather have a more reptilian brain and are generally stupider. Rain and cloudy weather is the best weather. This isn't a matter of opinion, it's factual and logical.
> People don't have many preferences and take on whatever the default is given to you by society.
Oh, really? Because the default here in London is pouring rain, so I don't know what it's like wherever you live.
> Rain is the source of life.
Photosynthesis.
> I ALWAYS feel a million times better when it's cloudy out and raining. For some reason I feel more conscious when it's raining.
It's because the sound of raindrops is stimulating. She doesn't know what real rain looks like, real London rain.
> A dumb retard might say, "But the sun is so nice because that means you can do things." This makes no sense to me. I assume by "do things" they mean go outside for a walk, or perhaps eat at a restraunt outside? I go on walks all the time in the rain, I love it. I love to sit in the rain, lay in the rain.
This I actually agree with, it's strange when its raining a little bit or a moderate amount, everyone around me acts like they're made of salt or are cats. Is it a million times more beautiful? I don't know, I like my three weeks of the year sunshine.
> Women should not be allowed to work as check-out employees at stores.
In my experience, it's the customers that take a long time, not the employees. As for the employees, I find it depends on a case by case basis regardless of gender or race.
> Straight porn is gay.
This I agree with, but I don't know why she thinks me having this opinion is copying her when its so obviously gay. However, I disagree with what she says later on
> This is why lesbian or solo porn is always superior. Two is better than one, so lesbian porn is by far the best. Lesbian porno has no cocks, or if it does, they're fake and not disgusting.
I tried giving lesbian porn a go back in the days, but I found it strange as well. You're not supposed to stare when two people are having sex, you're supposed to join in, but you can't because it's a screen, it's not a Super Mario 64 level where you can load up any video and jump straight in WAHOO! UH! UH! YIPPEE!! Anyway. So at best, it's awkward, at worse, it's cuckoldry.
> Defecating before you shower and letting the poop sit in the toilet as you shower is not allowed
Okay this I agree with, I just don't know why she had to clarify this.
So anyway, I could've probably expand more on this, but 99% of what I have to say is said now.
Confession: I was forced into a vore fantasy as a kid.
When I was a boy, video game consoles were devices you used to play video games on. These days, it seems like video game consoles try to act a lot like computers, but they'll never be as good as computers. Wait, that was not the point of this confession. Oh right, when I was a boy, my family used to be friends with this other family and they had children of their own, I got along fine with one of their sons who was the same as as I was (9 or 10 years old). Anyway, he had this older sister who would force me to cuddle with her in bed, in the dark, under the blankets. This was a regular thing whenever we would go to visit their house.
I can't recall how this came about, she was very much interested in me (platonically, I trust, keep in mind, I was 9 years old after all, and she was probably 14 or 15 but I can't really remember). I think I told her I like cats, and she invited me to roleplay as a cat and mouse in her room, so we would go under the blanket and she'd pretend to be a cat contimplating whether she should gobble me up or simply cuddle. She had a vore fetish, or something.
I kind of liked it, it was warm and fuzzy.
Well, anyway. Oh yeah, she owned an Nintendo 64 by the way, I was talking to one of my website visitors about that game console, and I mentioned that was the time I'd play the Nintendo 64 over at their house (and in the hospital waiting room sometimes), hence why I remembered this story about her.
BABE OF THE MONTH
Manou Osheger
You might might recognise her, she’s my profile picture. What’s really cool (or sad, depending on who you ask) is that this was my profile picture since 2020 on various forms of social media (I edited the photo to give her thick eyeliner).
The video is specifically from a music video, BeFour – Magic Melody. Manou was 24 years old in that video, and thus my profile picture.
I think what I liked about that frame was just how, pardon my Japanese, kawaii, it looks.
Speaking of age, like all the best people in the world, Manou was born in the month of February (1984), guess who else was born in February? That’s right, me. February is the shortest month of the year, so it is noteworthy to have been born in that month.
She was 24 years old in the first photo, 28 years old in the 2nd and 29 years old in the third photo.
Look at those lightning earrings. Again, as a 19 year old, when I first saw her wearing that leather jacket, those two lightning earrings which would throw her in German jail, and that light touch of eye-makeup, she was 29 years old in that photo so to 19 year old me me, if she had walked up to me and asked me out on a date, I would probably faint that an older more mature woman wanted to go out with me.
I have a thing for older women, it’s probably because when I was 12, I had a group of 16 year old girls in my school that showered me in affection throughout the year, imagine being surrounded by a group of older girls taller than you, squeezing your cheek going “omg he’s so cute!!! Look at his eyes and dimples!!!” and repeated pretty much every week for the entire year until they graduated Secondary School, so now I have a thing for women older than me. Also, that vore story I mentioned above probably had something to do here as well.
OBITUARY OF THE MONTH
Ace Frehley
I’ve copied a lot from Ashley Jones, hey look, we all have our inspirations. She herself said she aspires to be 10% of Tastyfish, but no one calls her a skinwalker. Initially I found her OBITUARY OF THE MONTH to be very rude and distasteful, which is ironic because doesn’t she believe in ghosts and spirits? If I were her, I’d talk about the dead with a bit more grace, but spirtual/religious people not being concisitent is a common theme the way I see it.
Regardless, when I found out Ace Frehley died on the 17th of October 2025, I knew I had to mention this. Isn't it strange how everyone's dying? Ozzy Osbourne, Hulk Hogan, now Ace Frehley? Man, this dying business is really booming, wouldn't you agree? Well, I am not a die-hard KISS fan, but I do enjoy some of their music. Gene Simmons wrote a couple of self-help books, I already was vaguely aware of KISS as they were still somewhat relevant on a mainstream level in the early to mid 2000s, so I figured “Wow! A self-help book written by a guy who isn’t an Instagram influencer or a ‘muh academic professor’!” And from Gene Simmon’s book and autobiography, I was introduced to KISS.
Ace Frehley is my 2nd favourite KISS band member, the first being Peter Criss. To be fair, they’d both be equally ranked, but Criss’ song Beth earns him extra point, that song still makes me cry (good crying, it's a good song, very emotional!).
Sorry, this is about Ace Frehley, we’re supposed to talk about him. Oh by the way, did you know Paul Stanley has a deformed ear? He mentioned it in his autobiography. What I love is this part in Peter Criss’s autobigraphy: Make up to Breakup, let’s take a look at his first encounter with Ace Frehley.
He told us his name was Ace and he was from the Bronx but he really was an alien from a planet named Jandel. I was loving this guy. I’d never talked to anyone like him. He had the balls to literally move a competitor out of the fucking way to play because he knew that guy was a piece of shit and he wasn’t. That, to me, was a winning fucking attitude.
After he left, the three of us talked. Their main concern was that we couldn’t have a Chinese guy in the band. Because...we were creating a certain look with our makeup, we felt that all the band members had to be white. Earlier we had auditioned a great guitar player but he was black, so he didn’t get hired. But I maintained that Ace wasn’t Chinese, he was Mongolian.
“This is the guy,” I said. “He’s from another fucking planet, he even says he is.”
But they were still hesitant.
“I know we’re looking for Jimmy Page, but we ain’t finding him. This guy’s got it,” I urged.
We talked about Ace for days, and then we finally called him back in. We started jamming, and the sound that was happening was like nothing I’d ever heard in my life. We all knew Ace was the guy.
With Ace in the band, we were a lot more balanced. It turned out that he wasn’t even Asian: He was of German descent.
And...
When Ace came in a week later with his sketch for a KISS logo, the name was confirmed in heaven. Ace is a great artist, and his KISS rendition, with the last two letters as lightning bolts, was totally bitching. And contrary to some people’s opinions (and later the opinion of the government of Germany), the S’s didn’t symbolize the Nazi SS. Despite the fact that Ace would get drunk and run around in a full SS uniform, complete with a monocle, and scream, “You vill die! Give me your papers! I vill kill your family,” those were lightning bolts from space. Then Paul refined the logo, made the K a little straighter, and we had a name and a logo.Ba-ba- based!? BASED!? UH HELLO? BASED!? WOW THATS SO BASED. BASED!? BASED! Hmm, how come the most BASED member of the original line up died first? CONSPIRACY!?!?! Well, jokes aside, R.I.P Spaceman.
Recipe of the Month
Microwaved Sunny Side Up Eggs
For all this talk of skinwalker, allow me to copy Ashley's idea of including a receipe in my monthly column. But wait, there's more. I will include photos too. Now, I'm supposed to bring up the history of eggs, and how a native American tribe once discovered eggs in a cave, but I'm going to do something food bloggers would never do, that is GET STRAIGHT TO THE POINT! (except for this paragraph, I am not getting straight to the point).
Microwaved eggs are important because they are quick, cleaner and more practical! I've been microwaving eggs since I was 13, and now as a 24 year old, you're looking at a man with 11 years of experience busting eggs. Let's proceed further!
WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS. You are not as smart as I, you're more likely to end up creating a microwave bomb and then email me crying about egg splatter on your face and scarring, so, don't do it, because you're not as smart as I. I am so smart, very smart.
Step 1: Crack an egg in the plate.
Step 2: Poke the yolk with a knife, so that it doesn't store microwave heat and explode.
Step 3: I don't know what you call these barriers, but break those too. The egg should look like last picture.
Step 4: Put the plate in the microwave, and place a microwave lid.
Step 5: Turn the microwave on, I personally do medium to high heat for 2 minutes. Note, you will hear slight bursting sounds, don't worry, this is normal. Here's an audio of what it sounds like here.
Step 6: IMPORTANT, when the microwave is done, allow the egg to cool down for 10 seconds, don't just immediantly yeet it out of the microwave.
Step 7: When you do open the microwave door, make sure you slowly lift the microwave cover, just to let any smoke out. At this point, the egg is very unlikely to explode, at least I've never had this happen to me in 11 years of microwaving eggs.
Result: The egg is now done. "Sunny side up? More like nuclear bomb down". I can't say the same for the pans, because I didn't use any. Also, make sure to submerge the plate you used to microwave the egg in water, as dried out microwaved eggs can really bind strong to the plate.
This is the end of the monthly columnThe subjects and questions were submitted to me via email (contact@davidwolfe.xyz) and my discussion board (https://ashleygravesis.cool/monthlycolumn/index.html). Please submit your questions, tip requests, suggestions, etc. via email, or in the thread linked about the monthly column. I will address them in future monthly column issues. If you are a HR manager who wants to use my column as diversity reading material for your employees, you are welcome to do so.
